I miss track

And I'm glad.  It was scary when I didn't miss it.

I miss the "challenge accepted" feeling that I'm immediately instilled with every time I look at a crossbar.  I miss bus trips, I even miss hotels.  I miss having my weight workout to look forward to doing.

I miss writing my workouts, assessing my progress, and tinkering with the programming.  I guess that's kind of what I'm doing with crohn's now, not as fun as pole vault that's for sure.

I miss being sore.  I miss trying to find ways to alleviate the soreness.  I miss making pre and post-workout concoctions to support my recovery.  I miss making playlists specifically for the gym.

I miss having a designated window to let out some aggression and work out some stress, then being able to let go of it for the rest of the day.  

I miss just moving around and being a monkey.  I wanna climb, do flips, and walk around on my hands.  I miss fooling around at the gymnastics room with teammates, trying to one-up each other constantly.

I also miss practicing what I preach!  I don't like being the 150lb weightlifting coach, or the fitness instructor that gets out of breath just by demonstrating the exercises.  Its frickin embarrassing. 

Even when I was lifting weights while I was sick, every time I did a workout, whether it was good or bad, I could walk out of the gym having accomplished something that day. Even if it was an easy workout, or if I had to cut it short, I still had something tangible, I still did something for myself that day and felt that sense of pride.  I can tell you I went to the gym sick as a dog on many occasions, but never ONCE regretted it afterward.  The endorphin rush, increased appetite, and sense of accomplishment all made up for the nausea and cold sweats I experienced during the workouts themselves.  

Track seems so easy now.  So simple, to trivial, so secondary.  I may have grown up too fast and become rather hardened for my age thanks to my disease, but its certainly given me perspective.  I know for a fact pole vault will be different when I return.  After what I've been through, how could I possibly stress out over getting a big stick and trying to fling myself over a bar?

Back at it

Time to blog again!  I could make a bunch of excuses of why I haven't been keeping up with it, but I don't really have any.  I'm no more busy lately than usual, just have had different priorities I suppose.  I need to remind myself the motivating effect that writing has over time when I stick with it though.

 I always find it hard to start blogging because it feels like I have too much to say, and it seems like too much effort to articulate all the information and present it the way I want.  I'm going to start small for now.

My health has definitely been suffering again, mostly body pain now.  Although my gut symptoms aren't horrible, my CRP is back up to 65.  The systemic inflammation is just manifesting itself as arthritis now instead of as GI symptoms.  It's bad too.  At any given time (not just in the morning) I can barely touch my toes anymore.  My knees are locked up and my spine is like a 2x4.  My right ankle is randomly swelling up also and I can't put weight on it for more than an hour.  I've got thoracic outlet syndrome in my left shoulder which is also very limiting.  I have a narrowed disk space in my low back giving me nerve pain down my legs.  So yeah, that's got me a little bummed out.

The good news?  Some time off!  I know some of you are probably rolling your eyes and thinking "Time off from what?"  I realize I didn't have a particularly busy life to begin with, but I've booked 2 weeks off entirely from work, and with school done for the term I can completely relax and focus on healing. My plan is to go home for a while, almost for a retreat of sorts just to gather myself and really prioritize healing.   This week's focus will be on using my juicer more regularly, and stress reduction techniques. 

I'm so thankful for my friends and family that have been so supportive on this journey so far.  I know its not just hard on me. From covering shifts for me at work, to helping me around the house when I'm too sore to even unload the dishes, to just being there to talk to, everyone has had my back and I feel so lucky.

I'll end with a photo from the Sabbath concert Dad and I went to on Friday!

"Rise up, resist, and be the master of your fate, 

don't look back, live for today

tomorrow is too late."

Back in the game!

Alright so after a couple weeks of "maintenance" while I got my shit together, I'm back on the health train I guess.

Today's will be a quick blog, because I have yoga soon and by the time I get home it will be after 9.  Part of my new routine includes no screens after 9pm.  My routine is the following:

- No more food after 8pm.  I'm a night time eater but it screws up my sleep and makes me feel crappy in the morning.

- 9pm I take some melatonin, 5-htp, and GABA.  These are all sleep supplements.

- From 9-10pm I'm free to stretch, put the dishes away, read, have some tea, take a bath, etc.  Just no screens, and trying to refrain from "doing" or having a busy mind.

- I'm making sure to always be out of bed by 8pm, even on weekends or day's I don't have anything going on in the morning.  Having a consistent wake time is the most important way to get your sleep schedule on track.  For example, even if you are out late, its better to get up at your regular time the next day, and just make up for the sleep debt by going to bed earlier.

- I'm allowing myself to nap, but trying not to after 4pm.

- I also downloaded a 15-minute guided imagery MP3 for people with Inflammatory Bowel Disease that I'm finding quite relaxing before bed.

And that's it!  Should take a while to become habit but I'll keep you guys updated.