I miss track

And I'm glad.  It was scary when I didn't miss it.

I miss the "challenge accepted" feeling that I'm immediately instilled with every time I look at a crossbar.  I miss bus trips, I even miss hotels.  I miss having my weight workout to look forward to doing.

I miss writing my workouts, assessing my progress, and tinkering with the programming.  I guess that's kind of what I'm doing with crohn's now, not as fun as pole vault that's for sure.

I miss being sore.  I miss trying to find ways to alleviate the soreness.  I miss making pre and post-workout concoctions to support my recovery.  I miss making playlists specifically for the gym.

I miss having a designated window to let out some aggression and work out some stress, then being able to let go of it for the rest of the day.  

I miss just moving around and being a monkey.  I wanna climb, do flips, and walk around on my hands.  I miss fooling around at the gymnastics room with teammates, trying to one-up each other constantly.

I also miss practicing what I preach!  I don't like being the 150lb weightlifting coach, or the fitness instructor that gets out of breath just by demonstrating the exercises.  Its frickin embarrassing. 

Even when I was lifting weights while I was sick, every time I did a workout, whether it was good or bad, I could walk out of the gym having accomplished something that day. Even if it was an easy workout, or if I had to cut it short, I still had something tangible, I still did something for myself that day and felt that sense of pride.  I can tell you I went to the gym sick as a dog on many occasions, but never ONCE regretted it afterward.  The endorphin rush, increased appetite, and sense of accomplishment all made up for the nausea and cold sweats I experienced during the workouts themselves.  

Track seems so easy now.  So simple, to trivial, so secondary.  I may have grown up too fast and become rather hardened for my age thanks to my disease, but its certainly given me perspective.  I know for a fact pole vault will be different when I return.  After what I've been through, how could I possibly stress out over getting a big stick and trying to fling myself over a bar?