The reason I haven't blogged in a while is because I've been suffering again these last few weeks. I typically get on a posting roll when things are going well, and then neglect to blog when I'm struggling. I started to slip about 3 weeks ago, but up until that point was feeling great. I had been to the gym a few times, got outside a little more, and begun a couple of night classes.
All of a sudden I started having perianal pain again, I know its pretty gross but it can be extremely painful and was quite worrisome. My left foot swole up again, and my knees and back are always sore. Soon I became feverish, and lost all strength and energy again. I knew this was bad news, I didn't want my old fistula wound to become infected so I phoned my Dr.'s office and left a message to no avail. I finally got in touch with them a week later and they issued stool, urine, and blood tests.
Urine was fine, the blood test showed my inflammation back up to 150, 3 times as high as the last test. This really frustrated me because I was doing so well, I really thought I was on the up. It was no surprise however, because I definitely feel terrible. The nurse left a message on my phone today letting me know he stool sample tested positive for C. Difficle, a really nasty bacterial infection of the gut. I've had this before and it's not pleasant, but at least gives me an idea of why I feel so terrible. The frustrating part is they left me a message Friday afternoon, and I won't be able to start anything until Monday.
I'm just really angry, frustrated, and sad from being such a vegetable. I'm tired of the pain, I'm tired of sleepless nights, I'm tired of not having the strength to leave the apartment. I'm tired of being so alone at home constantly. Its getting old, and I'm getting impatient. All I want is to go back to work, just to feel valued and have that sense of purpose again.
So game plan moving forward will be to tough it out for the weekend, and likely start some antibiotics Monday. The plan for fecal biotherapy is still up in the air, all the receptionist will give us is "sometime after the 17th". We'll see what that means. I'm really tired of just simply surviving.
I can not begin to understand what you go through day by day, but please know you are valued and cared about by many friends and family members. You continue to blog and educate us on this disease. I appreciate the time and effort you put into letting everyone know more about what a challenge it is to live with the pain and discomfort. I really enjoy your pictures that you post on your good days! I hope you can get relief as soon as possible after starting the antibiotics. Thinking of you.
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