Bloodwork/Stuck at Iron

Well as predicted, blood results are pretty bad.  Lots of stuff is too high or too low.  Bummer about the iron is although its so low, I can't get any more infusions after today because my ferritin is extremely high.  Can't seem to win here.

 I always blame my dysfunctional gut for not absorbing iron, and I do lose a lot of blood through bowel movements some days, but I have definitely been slacking on getting enough dietary iron.  My levels were always better (not good, but better) when I was juicing regularly.  I still have salads and red meat every once and a while, but I don't do well with solids right now and juicing greens is vastly more potent and absorb-able.  Like I said in the last blog, this is a bit of a wake up call to get my ass back on track. 

I got to the hospital at 8:45, but the pharmacy didnt get my iron made up until 10:30.  Once they get it hooked up its a 3 hour infusion.  So boring!  I try to sleep if I can, but its crazy busy in here today with IV's beeping like crazy.  I've got friends visiting today though.

Anyways here are the lab results.  Good news is my vitamin D mega-dosing is working!  50 000 IU's twice a week and nowhere near toxicity!

Burnt.

Ugh.  I am worn out.  Time for a vent.

It's been a tough week.  My health is really slipping again, I was trying to exercise but cannot recover from even the lightest activity.  I am averaging 4-6 hours of interrupted sleep every night, spending the night on the living room floor with a heating pad because it is easier on my back.  My unexplained knee injury is giving me troubles, and my ankles/lower legs are swelling up again.  Its called erethema nodosum if you care to google it.  Its like little bumps under my skin that feel like bruises and swell up.  My skin is breaking out everywhere, acne on my face/shoulders and folliculitis all over my legs. Appetite sucks, any time I eat anything solid or substantial I start feeling a lot of discomfort and need to lie down for a few minutes.  I know my iron is definitely low, I haven't had in checked in weeks (no excuses, I've just totally been slacking).  If I don't keep up my infusions I just simply don't absorb it.  I can tell I'm anemic again, just simple things like climbing a set of stairs gives me a head rush and makes me dizzy. 

I've been feeling a lot of stress anxiety over this.  I didn't work a single shift in May, and now I am too weak to work more than an hour a day.  My employer doesn't want to give me shifts or clients because I am always sick now.  Financial stress is definitely a huge part of all of this, but also just the pressure to get better.  I've been trying to be some sort of holistic health champion on a mission to get better without surgery, putting so much money and effort into this mission that I truly believe in, but I currently have nothing to show for it.  I feel like everyone is going to start thinking I'm full of shit because I'm saying all of this stuff works, yet I'm on a pretty bad decline currently.

Do I think I can get out of this spiral?  Absolutely.  This is a good wake up call I guess. Will blog again as soon as I get the bloodwork results.  I decided to pull the trigger and go for the fecal therapy, so I contacted Dr. Louie to see if he is still interested.  At the very least, I am on a wait list to get on ECP light therapy hopefully this fall.  Worst case scenario I know I can tough it out until then.

On a positive note, Lauren and I both have 4 days off in a row!  Super pumped about this.  Mom, Dad, and Reid are off to Montana for a baseball tournament so Lauren and I will go home to look after the acreage.  Its going to be so nice to have the place to ourselves and do whatever we feel like for 4 whole days!  I plan on resting up as much as possible. 

Will blog again soon.

My simple solution for those who don't have time to exercise:

Step 1)  Keep track of all the time you spend looking at a screen in one day.  This includes your phone, television, tablet, or computer.  Obviously if you work at a computer that time doesn't apply.  But this does include whipping out your phone just to look at it or text.  Record your daily total.

Step 2)  Repeat this every day for one week.  Record all of it!

Step 3)  Add up your weekly total.

Step 4)  Look at it and decide if you really have time or not.

Two of my favorites.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

-Jim Rohn

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."
-Elanor Roosevelt 

Think about those for a bit.  These are quotes that I really buy into and live by.  The first one couldn't be more true, the next one really makes you think about the things you say, and they both make you think about the people you spend your time with.  

What is it that you aspire to be?  Do the people in your life have the traits and habits you want to have?  

Do you, or the people you choose to be around spend your time gossiping?  Is Facebook your go-to every time you have a spare 10 minutes to look at your phone?  We're all guilty of it in some capacity, but these are definitely traits of small minds.

Does the quality of the conversation peak at the discussion of recent weather events, or what happened on last nights TV show.  "Sure has been rainy."  Wow, how enlightening.  I realize it's something everyone brings up once or twice if its significant enough, but again, is it the peak of your discussion?  

Or you do and the people in your life talk about ideas, challenges, opportunities, new concepts, challenging the status quo? Problems, solutions, debates, etc. 

Anyways that's my .02 for the morning.

Getting more active

I'm loving summer so far.  I keep looking back to a year ago, at this point I was a mess again.  I was so depressed and socially anxious I wouldn't leave my apartment for days, it was horrible.  I'm still really sick but I have a life now, healthy relationships, hobbies, and a good job.  Depression wasn't being sad, it was being frozen, stuck, grey.  I'm so thankful just to have interests again! Anyone who has been through it knows exactly what I'm talking about.  Anyways this isn't going to be a big "then and now" post, that was just something I had been thinking about.

Energy and appetite are perking up, I'm taking it easy with the exercise still.  Its embarassing but I literally haven't had a regular exercise routine since November.  Since Christmas my body gradually broke down and I was able to move less and less.  May was almost no activity at all, so as you can see I'm really not fit.  This doesn't bother me, it just means I can't "givr" the way I normally would, at least for a few weeks.  I respond to training extremely fast, so my muscles often outgrow my fascia/connective tissue and I become injury prone right away.  Like so many things in life I've been stubborn and learned this one the hard way so I know what I'm getting into.

We are finally building the sauna at work.  Friday I felt pretty good so I volunteered to help install some of the boards.  It was definitely exhausting, I only worked 4 hours in total with break, but it felt great to work with my hands again!  Basically every part of me other than my spine misses flooring now.  Installing the wall paneling was very similar, but the nice part was I got to stand upright the whole time.  It was also a nice to change back to a kind of work where I didn't need to plan on deliver a lesson, or be "engaged" with the public.  I guess that's part of what I miss about flooring.  Getting started is always a real headache and can be slow, but once your rows are started you get to just crank up your favorite music and nail shit to the floor.  I don't have to worry about looking the other way and some beginner popping their shoulder out.

I worked about 4 hours Friday, and then Saturday my back was SORE!  Definitely took the day off.  Since then I've done 1-2 more easy dumbell workouts with my good arm, feeling a little more "into it" each time.  I'm thrilled to be moving off the couch again, but not quite excited to "work out" yet.  I'll get there. 

Let's see what else.....have been slacking on my homework for my online ed psych a bit, although I wrote another midterm on Monday and feel like I did well on it.  I'm sleeping better but mornings are still terrible, I wake up around 630 and am bloated and nauseated until off and on until around 10.  It's like waking up with a bad hangover every single day.  Not painful so much as intense discomfort and brain fog.  It makes it really hard to get my day started.  This is part of why I need to limit myself at nighttime when I feel awesome, I can only take on as much as I'm actually going to be able to recover from the next day.

Anyways time for breakfast (aka a cup of tea for now).

Cheers!

Sustainable progress

Feeling well!  The sun is shining and I've been sleeping better which is definitely making a difference.  Yesteray I managed to get some excercise which was exciting.  I took a single dumbell out the the park across the street and did some simple curls and presses with my one good arm.  I still can't do anything with my left but I wasn't complaining, I was outside and I was working out again.  Other than that I did a few planks but that was it.  It's amazing what just some exercise, as opposed to none at all can do for your overall sense of well being.

I am so, so bad for trying to take the world on as soon as I feel well, or as soon as something positive happens.  This has been a slow realization over the last 3 months or so, but this afternoon it really hit me as I was sitting in my chair on my laptop this afternoon.  I had a document open and was trying to plan my workouts for the upcoming week, before I had even done any stretching or rehab work to recover from the workout I just did. 

I've got it completely backwards sometimes.  Rather than doing the rehab and the stretches that were responsible for getting me exercising in the first place, and which would obviously be the determining factor of if I would be able to exercise the next day, I was busy looking up what kind lifting program I was going to start doing.  I get so far ahead of myself, always chasing the next "cure", rather than just working hard at the ones I've already discovered.  Here's a couple more examples,

- I easily spend as much time, if not more, looking at recipes online, than I actually do preparing the food that's already in my house, and I probably "researched" the night before when I should have been in bed.

-I've literally found myself looking up yoga schedules at night and planning when I'm going to go, instead of just getting on the floor and doing some!

I always get stuck in these loops.  At least I'm becoming more aware of them, and making efforts to get out when I find myself there.  I find nature, just getting out in general, is one of the best things for breaking those cycles. 

I chose the title of this blog because that is going to be my intention for the next few days.  It was exhilarating to lift weights again yesterday, but if I want to do it again I need to slow down and be disciplined.  I am feeling like I'm on "the up" again, but this time I am going to make it sustainable.