Burnt.

Ugh.  I am worn out.  Time for a vent.

It's been a tough week.  My health is really slipping again, I was trying to exercise but cannot recover from even the lightest activity.  I am averaging 4-6 hours of interrupted sleep every night, spending the night on the living room floor with a heating pad because it is easier on my back.  My unexplained knee injury is giving me troubles, and my ankles/lower legs are swelling up again.  Its called erethema nodosum if you care to google it.  Its like little bumps under my skin that feel like bruises and swell up.  My skin is breaking out everywhere, acne on my face/shoulders and folliculitis all over my legs. Appetite sucks, any time I eat anything solid or substantial I start feeling a lot of discomfort and need to lie down for a few minutes.  I know my iron is definitely low, I haven't had in checked in weeks (no excuses, I've just totally been slacking).  If I don't keep up my infusions I just simply don't absorb it.  I can tell I'm anemic again, just simple things like climbing a set of stairs gives me a head rush and makes me dizzy. 

I've been feeling a lot of stress anxiety over this.  I didn't work a single shift in May, and now I am too weak to work more than an hour a day.  My employer doesn't want to give me shifts or clients because I am always sick now.  Financial stress is definitely a huge part of all of this, but also just the pressure to get better.  I've been trying to be some sort of holistic health champion on a mission to get better without surgery, putting so much money and effort into this mission that I truly believe in, but I currently have nothing to show for it.  I feel like everyone is going to start thinking I'm full of shit because I'm saying all of this stuff works, yet I'm on a pretty bad decline currently.

Do I think I can get out of this spiral?  Absolutely.  This is a good wake up call I guess. Will blog again as soon as I get the bloodwork results.  I decided to pull the trigger and go for the fecal therapy, so I contacted Dr. Louie to see if he is still interested.  At the very least, I am on a wait list to get on ECP light therapy hopefully this fall.  Worst case scenario I know I can tough it out until then.

On a positive note, Lauren and I both have 4 days off in a row!  Super pumped about this.  Mom, Dad, and Reid are off to Montana for a baseball tournament so Lauren and I will go home to look after the acreage.  Its going to be so nice to have the place to ourselves and do whatever we feel like for 4 whole days!  I plan on resting up as much as possible. 

Will blog again soon.