The stuff you don't see.

People that suffer with inflammatory bowel disease really become masters of disguise. We never talk about it, because we probably don't feel like discussing bloody poop all the time, not to mention its mostly internal, so you do not see our pain.  This stirs up a lot of internal conflict, feeling like a hypocrite all the time. 

See those pictures of me out at the lake?  I didn't include that part where I needed to swallow a whole box full of immodium just to get out of my apartment for the day. 

Do I seem a little quiet or a little grumpy at the dinner table?  Probably because the food you put in front of me is trying to work its way through my narrowed intestines and it's currently hard for me to breathe.

Do I seem really shifty and anxious all of a sudden, pacing, etc?  My abdomen is probably tensing up because I'm going to have a pain attack in 20 minutes.  Sorry but at this point anything you say to me is going in one ear and right out the other.  I'm in fight or flight at this point and my mind won't function right until I (literally) get this out of my system.  This REALLY sucks I'm  at the bank teller, or on the phone with someone, etc.   

You may have even seen Lane the cheery instructor teaching weightlifting at Freedom.  The part you don't know it that I may have only had half a smoothie that day because of my nausea.  Even if I had an appetite, I probably still starved myself that day so try avoid any pain attacks from happening while I'm coaching you.

This photo was taken two summers ago when I was dealing with a perianal fistula and abscess, which is supposed to be as painful as childbirth (difference is childbirth doesn't last for 3 months).  The only way I got out of the house was being WHACKED out on dilaudid, which is 8x stronger than morphine.  I soon became a depressed, opiate addicted vegetable.  What you see or hear from me isn't always the full story....