139lbs but back to the gym!

I finally feel like I'm well enough for some more regimented exercise.  I'm not really trying to exercise more, just now in a quantifiable way.  I'm currently at almost the lowest weight I have ever been, and had Lauren take some prison-style shots just for keeping track of progress.  It may come off as vain but benchmarks are important.  I've always been fascinated by how our bodies can change and adapt according to what we do with them.  So here's where I'm currently at:

 

 I tried to stand as natural as possible.  You can see a difference in my shoulders if you look closely.  I have thoracic outlet syndrome on my left shoulder.  Its where your neck, pec, and trap muscles clench up, and the result is pinching off the nerves/arteries that run between your 1st rib and collar bone.  You can see my left shoulder hiked up towards my ear sort of, and that's me trying to relax.  It gets to tight it shoots into the back of my head, and if I lift my arm overhead too long my hand goes numb.  I've had this once before and had aggravated it by pole vaulting that time, this time around it just came out of nowhere and has been this way for months.  I think stress might have something to do with it. 

Add to that a narrowed disk space in my spine, swollen right ankle (can't see in the pic), and freaking arthritis stiffness everywhere.  Even my wrists feel like they have water in them or something.  My back is by far the worse though.  The stiffness and dull ache is so debilitating it sucks the energy right out of me.  This kind of pain just kills your motivation.  It isn't acutely painful by any means, but just so dam stiff and sore all the time.  When my stomach is in distress, or right before a poop my back hurts so bad I can't even stand upright, my abdominal muscles just want to pull me forward.

So I finally got myself to the gym yesterday, and managed:

-5 minutes of easy rowing

-3x5 shoulder press with the bar, front squat with 40lbs, an chin ups

-thats its!

So you could hardly even call that a workout by most standards, and I totally could have done that from home.  The reality is I just wouldn't have got it done at home.  Right now creating the habit of exercise is more important than the intensity of the exercise.  I got back into the process of making a playlist, mixing up the protein shake, but most importantly getting out the door!  I'm still socially anxious.  I never want to leave my condo because I don't want to get sick and I'm too proud to be vulnerable in front of people.  Beyond that, even when its people that I know understand, it really sucks having pain attacks away from home so I never want to leave.  I paced around home almost 2 hours trying to get to the gym but I'm glad I finally made the first step towards getting in shape. 

My goal for tomorrow is simply to make an appearance at the gym again.  I had IMS today so I likely won't feel up to "lifting" again, but even a bike and stretch would be a positive step.  Our sauna will be up and running any time, definitely looking forward to that as well!

Also, Dr. Louie's office got back in touch with me and treatment has been postponed, likely at least a month.  I'm actually OK with this, it sounds like he is really making sure he has everything figured out before proceed seeing as I am somewhat of a unique case.  I'm sure I can benefit from a few weeks to keep building my strength up before the transplant as anyways.