It's really important to me that I share my surgery experience, because I remember being too scared to reach out, and just assuming the worst. I thought I would be painfully self conscious and never be able to do my favorite activities again. I remember being so scared, envisioning life with the bag being miserable, and I'm specifically writing this post to say that is not the case at all....
We fear what we don't understand. I made the huge mistake of just fearing the surgery without asking the questions I was scared to hear the answer to. I was offered to be put in touch with ostomates, was told how life with the bag wasn't all that bad, but I was stubborn and wouldn't listen. I may be fortunate enough to be re attached this year, but at this point I know I could be perfectly happy even if I had to live with this bag for the rest of my life. I can wake up and do whatever I want now, no longer needing to be within 10ft of a washroom for my entire day. The bathroom urgency, and more importantly the stress that came along with it, is completely gone!
I'm not going to lie, the operation and 4-8 weeks following it were total hell. If you followed my blog around that time (view a post here ), you saw what a tough experience it was. That being said, once the complications subsided and the abscesses drained, I felt awesome.
Is having an appliance as good as before my flare? Obviously not, but it's pretty damn close. Besides maintenance being annoying, it really doesn't hinder my life in any way shape or form, especially thanks to my stealth belt. It holds the pouch horizontally rather that vertical, and supports it tight against my body so it doesn't flop around. I wear it all day every day because it hides the pouch under shirts and makes jeans much more wearable.
Here are my stud brother's and I at a wedding. See, can't tell I'm wearing a bag, and dress clothes are typically the most revealing:
I've managed to go mountain biking, pole vaulting, swimming, lift weights, and exercise freely. I try to keep the pouch as empty as possible, as it can jiggle around and gets tight when the bag is full. I can't say it has been without challenges. I've had to learn to keep extra supplies on hand in case of leaks or emergencies, and do flange changes on the fly. My stoma has popped out of the flange diving into the river, crashing my bike, and I had a leak at work one time, but one of my awesome co workers covered for me. One time I had a leak while biking into downtown Kelowna and had to make a coffee shop pit stop. This is going to sound weird, but there's something extremely liberating about walking into a Starbucks with your t shirt covered in poop and not being even the slightest bit embarrassed. I've been through so many humiliating experiences with crohns that nothing phases me anymore. I've become very stoic in that sense I guess. Like I said, it feels liberating to have that sort of "no fucks given", unashamed demeanor towards this disease that used to make me feel so self conscious.
Ostomy change at the dirt jumps, who needs a colon anyway?
Starbucks pit stop. Minor bump in the road, still had an awesome day!
Learning was frustrating, but you learn to change supplies on the fly. Sometimes the stoma makes farting noises, which two years ago I'd assume would just embarrass me, but I don't care and neither does anyone around me. Those who matter don't mind right?
Although I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to get re-attached, I'm really glad I had this experience of having an ostomy. Crohn's has been a wonderful teacher of life lessons. I never thought I could be happy as a non-athlete, but it taught me that I can. I used to foolishly think that having an ostomy would be the end of the world, yet with my intestine poking out of my belly I've had one of the best summer's of my life. It's a very satisfying feeling.
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