Morning! I'm currently enjoying a protein shake out in a lawn chair in the front yard. I'm not working right now so I decided to drive home for a couple nights. It's gorgeous out here!
I am definitely on the up again. I can't even describe how much better I feel with financial stress being gone, and knowing that people understand my situation now. I felt all this pressure to work while trying to put crohn's into remission at the same time and it was driving me crazy.
My ankles and feet are doing much better. I almost have range of motion back and the swelling is gone. Now that I can afford it I started some decompression treatments for my back again, as well as Chinese style acupuncture which is helping tremendously. Also continuing to sleep better! It feels so good to be resting again. Sticking to protein shakes, soups, rice, smoothies, etc has helped my abdominal pain significantly as well.
It really is amazing how much healing I can get done myself, and how much progress I can make without drugs. If I manage my stress, eat the right foods, and take enough of the right supplements- not just once but consistently for a few days, I start to feel seriously better. Its just that all of those factors must be in place, all the stars need to align. I can feel way better in a week, but it goes both ways. If even one of those factors is neglected I can trainwreck just as easily. The trick is trying to heal slowly and sustainably.
The hardest part about feeling good is the internal conflict, and the guilt I feel on those good days. As soon as I feel well, I always try to capitalize on it and enjoy the things I've been missing, but then I feel like a hypocrite because of everything people know about me being sick. For example I bail on things ALL the time because I'm sick, whether its a family supper, going to watch a brother's ball game, even a work shift, etc. It happens a lot because I am usually in discomfort or pain of some sort. My good days, or good hours I should say, have been so few and far between that when it happens I want to go for a bike ride, go fishing, or even work out! On top of that, when I want to share with everyone how exhilarating that bike ride was (that I was SO thankful for), I feel like I can;t because I very well could have just told them I was in serious pain earlier that day. See what I'm saying? People do not understand that with crohn's it is possible to be surprisingly functional while still severely ill. That is why it is so easy to disguise. I'm over hiding it now though, it feels so much better to be open.
Lauren is in Ottawa for the combined events Pan-am cup right now! She gets to compete against the worlds best on Thursday and Friday. While she's gone I've moved home for a couple days, I'll plan to schedule treatments all for Thursday or Friday so I don't have to make too many trips. That's it for now though, thanks for reading!
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